Don’t settle! Be Realistic & Take Action

Reality is more than meets the eye

We all have goals for every area of our lives, what we want to achieve in our career, relationships, finances and so on. Periodically, we find ourselves in a dilemma wondering whether we have settled in that relationship, job or are slacking towards a certain goal. Usually, when we settle, we constantly feel weighed down, frustrated and short-changed.

Settling and being realistic are two words that are often confused and used interchangeably yet they mean different things.

One of the reasons why we choose to settle is because we want to remain in our comfort zone or safe place.  “We often settle for what’s available and what’s available isn’t always great. You are destined to achieve greatness!”― Farshad Asl.

According to the Oxford dictionary, settling is when you accept or agree to something that you consider to be less satisfactory. When we decide to settle it means although we are unsatisfied or frustrated by a relationship, job or career, for one reason or another we will still decide to stay or continue because maybe we are scared to move on or explore other avenues that might actually bring us the fulfillment, we so earnestly desire. The fear of the unknown is another obstacle that keeps us stagnant times as we opt to stay with what’s familiar instead of exploring what’s out there and discovering limitless possibilities out there. The challenge with settling is you will always have a void inside of you that will only go away when you are true to yourself.

As we come towards the year, my advice is it feels like settling then its time to say goodbye, be realistic and search for what will bring us fulfilment and wholeness.

The picture above shows different zones in our lives. With reference to this article, if you are settling you remain in the comfort zone and if you are being realistic you accept your challenges, shortfalls and frustrations and make a decision to move towards the growth zone.

The definition of realistic is someone who has a good grip on the reality of a situation and understands what can and cannot be done, something that is a practical, an achievable idea, or something that resembles the actual truth about life.

When we are being realistic it means we examined our situation in a rational manner and come to a conclusion. When we are being realistic, we have to be honest with ourselves and perceive the situation differently. Sometimes it takes us looking at the bigger picture and looking at the situation as if it was someone else and we were giving advice to them. Taking yourself out of the situation and looking at it from a third party’s perspective will make us see clearly without any filters or emotions. If it was someone else in your situation, what advice would you give them?

When we are being realistic, we accept that our current situation is not ideal and fulfilling and go on to decide based on reaching our goals even if it means quitting or walking away. For instance, one can say, “At the moment this is the job l have and it is bringing some food on the table but l desire more and my plan to achieve my goal is to start my own business and my exit strategy is this…”

At times we compromise. We tell ourselves that this is not perfect, but it will work for me. Compromise usually happens in relationships when we meet someone who makes us happy, supports us and loves us as much as we love them. Even though they might not tick all the boxes, their shortcomings are not deal breakers and we choose to stay because they are the one. In compromising, if it ever feels like you are the only one bending yourself over then you are settling and that’s your cue to leave.

In conclusion, before settling or being realistic. One sees the situation for what it is but the difference is what they chose at the end. When we settle, we opt to stay in our comfort zone or in a place of familiarity. However, when we are realistic, we accept our current position and make a pact to make necessary changes.

My takeaways from 2022

Looking ahead into the new year!

When 2022 started, I had numerous internal and external battles, however the battles made me stronger as l took every experience as a lesson. l celebrated my victories, even the smallest of victories, soldiered through my mishaps, cried through the pain and laughed every chance l got. Below, l will share my takeaways from 2022, l believe these will come handy in 2023 and in years to come.

The first thing l learnt early in 2022 is that We were never meant to do life alone. Growing up, l was used to doing things on my own, the “I can do bad all by myself,” kinda vibe. In March 2022 this was about to change as l received the news that l was to undergo surgery. At some point l even started making plans for my kids just in case l didn’t make it. Thank God the surgery was a success and during the whole period l wasn’t alone. l had friends and family around me who helped me go through this terrifying moment. Some were there at every doctor’s appointment, some were there to hold my hand through it all, some were there to drive me to the hospital, others got me groceries .. l could go on and on but you get the idea right ? I had so much love and support which made it all bearable. Always remember that the people in your life are there for you, although it might not be everyone.. there are those who will be there through thick and thin. Ask for help and don’t do life alone!

The second thing l learnt is, One cannot be grateful for what they feel entitled to. Entitlement kills gratitude! It’s normal to feel entitled to love and provision from our parents, loyalty from our friends, affection from our spouses and good remuneration, the list goes on and on. Despite how we feel, the truth is NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING! Not our parents, to not partners, no one! Consequently, when we feel entitled to certain things such as love, loyalty, provision and affection, things that other people work hard or sacrifice to give us, we become ungrateful. Ungrateful, because we feel that we deserve to receive these things because it is our right. Lack of appreciation results in frustration in those bending themselves over for us. Let us appreciate every single thing that the people around us do, thank your parents for paying your school fees, appreciate your partner when they get groceries and pay bills, be thankful when your friend shows up for you. Never feel entitled, rather appreciate the people around you.

The third thing l learnt is, Do something! There is a popular saying that goes if you can’t run, walk, if you can’t walk crawl. The goal is to do something, to goal is to move. Whatever goal you have, it might be to run a marathon, build a business, become a present parent or improve school grades, remember Rome wasn’t built in one day! Start by doing something small, take a step towards achieving your goals. One step at a time! Before you run a marathon, you have to start by taking a step, then walking a mile then finally run.

The fourth takeaway is, Create your own happiness. The easy thing is to let our happiness depend on what the people around us do or what happens around us because it takes all responsibility away from us and burdens the people in our lives. In addition, we give the people around us power to dictate whether we are jovial, sad or depressed. As much as we have no power over the actions of others, we have power over how we react or respond to those actions. Being happy is a choice that we have to make regardless of the circumstances around us. Happiness is internal, therefore be intentional about creating your own happiness and doing the things you love.

My last take away is, Its ok not to be ok. Often we are taught to hold our heads up high and put up a perfect face for the world so that they believe that we have it all together. That is like blowing air into a balloon non stop, blowing up is inevitable. Pretending to be ok when we are not, is self destructive. We have to learn to deal with negative emotions and depression and get help if need be. It’s ok to ask a friend to come by for a chat, it’s ok to vent to a friend and let them know how you are feeling, cry, scream if you have to and grieve when you have to.

I hope you will find these useful in 2023. I wish you an amazing year!

Dancing in the rain

Confession time! Hi, my name is Diana and I am a pluviophile. I love rain so much that l get so hyped up at the first drops of rain. The rainy season usually follows the same pattern, after a couple of sun-scorching days, dark clouds start gathering and the air is filled with the refreshing scent of rain. As the first showers start dropping, the hot weather is replaced by a refreshing cool breeze.

 As it started raining a few days ago, l began reminiscing on how much l love to dance in the rain. Sounds childish right? I vividly recall years ago when l was in high school, it started raining when l was on my way home from school. Instead of running or trying to hide from the rain l took my shoes off and started walking slowly as l enjoyed the rain pouring on me. As the rain fell on me l felt refreshed, it felt like l was being washed and it signaled new beginnings for me, and that brought me so much joy. In addition, rain marks the end of an old season and the start of a new one, a time to plant and anticipate a harvest and most importantly it reminds us of the unconditional love and presence of God in our lives.

Psalms 68:8-9 says, “The earth shook; The heavens also dropped rain at the presence of God; Sinai itself was moved at the presence of God, the God of Israel. You, O God, sent a plentiful rain, Whereby You confirmed Your inheritance when it was weary.” This scripture is one of the reasons why l love the rain. It reminds us of the presence of God and that He sends rain when we are weary. This reminds us that God is with us, not only is He with us but He loves us unconditionally and we are reassured that when we are weary, He will send us rain. The Bible says he brings rain on both the good and the bad, therefore we are reminded of the grace of God in our love, not that we deserve it but because He is good. Even after a rather strenuous a year, the coming of the rains is a reminder of the presence of God.

One of my favourite scriptures in the bible is Zechariah 10:1 which says, “Ask the LORD for rain in the time of the latter rain. The LORD will make flashing clouds; He will give them showers of rain, Grass in the field for everyone.”  Rains also signify answered prayer for me, showers of blessing, or healing rain. So, as it rains, recall every prayer that you have made and be expectant of answers to your prayers.

The coming of the rains is also a reminder that even as there is a shift from winter to summer to the start of the rainy season, so it is in our lives. No season is permanent, seasons come and go…  Rains indicate the end of a season and the start of a new one. I don’t know about you, but l always look forward to a new season, new opportunities, a new chapter or even a clean slate.  There is something that stands out in this season, hope is renewed and there is an anticipation of good in the future.

I observed something the other day after it rained, all the plants looked greener and livelier. The rain washes away all the dust and dirt from the plants. When there are heavy rains, dead leaves and branches fall off.  Similarly in our lives, we need a form of rain to cleanse us and wash away all the filth spiritually, mentally and in other areas of our lives and all the dead things that might be keeping us in the same place.

Finally, for farmers, rains signify a season of planting and anticipating a harvest. In the same way, the rainy season is a season for us to sow a seed for the future and anticipate a bumper harvest. Therefore, instead of running from the rain, dance in it!

Finally, l can sleep

As human being we have diverse emotional reactions to shocking, unexpected or painful experiences in our lives such as death of a loved one, an accident, natural disasters and abuse. This response is called Trauma. Symptoms for include but not limited to sleeping disorders, fear, sadness and depression. For some symptoms will only last a few days or weeks while for others months or even years.

It’s been a year since l had one of the most traumatic experiences in my life, I experienced fear, anxiety and sleep disorders. I dreaded going to sleep as it would bring up bad memories. The events of the 3rd of August 2021 are still vivid in my mind. I remember waking up around 0135am, seeing someone running out of the bedroom. I was confused, in shock and fear seized me. So many things ran through my mind in that moment… Who was this person, what did they want?How did they get into the house, were they kids ok? It was a thief who broke down into the house using an axe to get into the house while we slept (it still baffles me how he got into the house without us hearing anything), came to the bedroom and took my handbag and two phones. I woke up and saw him standing next to me and he immediately ran out,

Fortunately by the time we looked around the house the invader had vanished. However, he left a trail of weapons in the kitchen and outside the kitchen door, one of which was the axe which he used to open the door. Imagine the horror! I then ran to check on the kids, to my amazement they were sound asleep and unharmed.

I froze briefly before l could get out of bed or even wake my husband up who was sleeping next to me. When we switched on the light l realised that my 2 iPhones and handbag which had all my salary were gone!Immediately, l felt anxious, furious and unspeakable pain.

Worse could have happened! When l saw the axe In the kitchen l thought it could have been a lot worse. Although l lost a brand new phone and a month’s salary l thank God that no one was harmed, well at least not physically. For a number of months l would wake up almost every night around 130 am and l would struggle to get back to sleep. All l could do is replay the night of the break in over and over again in my mind. I was traumatised and the events of that evening kept haunting me. The slightest noise such as someone opening a door in the house or an avocado dropping from the tree outside the would wake me from dream land. Night after night for months, this cycle became my new normal.

I am sure everyone has had their share of trauma at some point. There are unusual things that happen to us and we find ourselves failing to cope emotionally and it might take us a while before we can link our symptoms to our recent or past experiences. One of the most dangerous places to be in is in denial. Often, we will convince ourselves that we are coping well and choose to ignore the symptoms. The truth is after having someone invade your personal space, losing a loved one, an accident, any type of abuse or witnessing masses die in a war, there are emotional responses that are triggered.

The most important thing we can do is to admit that we are not at our best and seek help if need be. At times the people around us might downplay what we are going through or might not even realise that what we are showing are signs of trauma. Therefore it is important that we are able to share our feelings with those around us. At times just talking will make all the difference. I remember it took me a while before l could articulate how l was feeling. But eventually l found myself being comfortable around certain people and l was able to share what l was experiencing.

This was half the battle win. Once admitted that l wasn’t ok l felt much lighter. In all this l learnt that it’s ok not to be ok. Society has us living under some kind of an illusion that we can snap out of any experience, pick ourselves up and move on immediately like nothing ever happened. However reality gives us a rude awakening. Healing is a process not an over night thing .

One of the things that were useful during this period were Prayer and the word. This was not an automatic response for me. I don’t know about you but my default is to ask God what happened, why didn’t You stop it from happening? At times we or the people around us might suggest that we are in a mess because of sin, but remember Job.. it also says in psalms that many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers them out of it. It doesn’t matter what you are going through right now, God will deliver you out of it all!

I am always shocked by how much negative energy many people let out. It is crucial that one avoids negativity at all costs. There are people who will lecture you and put all the blame on you for the bad ordeal that you will be experiencing. This negativity will leave you worse off than you were, your wounds deeper, guilt on high and buttered. I had to learn the hard way that protecting yourself is an essential. Know the people around you and know what to share with them. On the other side, if your loved ones are going through a rough patch, all they need is for you to sit with them, love on them, comfort them and not ask them a thousand question or point out that they are to blame or any other type of negativity which is draining.

I never thought that one day l would be able to sleep through the night again. but today, after a year l can confidently say that finally l can sleep peacefully through the night.

Love or Logic?

There is a popular Shona saying which says, “Chinonzi rega ndechiri muruoko kwete chiri mumoyo”. This means it is easier to let go of that which is in your hand compared to that which is in the heart. Most would agree that a person in love is stubborn and hard to advise. Once we are attracted or attached to someone, they take a special place in our hearts. The heart, as small as it is, makes us act out of character, out of logic and sometimes it causes us to become a completely new person.  We are often caught in a predicament when we must choose between how we feel and logic, between being morally correct and being happy.

Generally, most people have a list of relationship preferences and expectations, including deal breakers. Well at least until they meet that one person who will cause them to re-think everything and be willing to reach a compromise.  At times feelings towards someone can make us throw all logic out the window and the lists become obsolete. We can blame the feel good, cuddle and love hormones for this.

There is a scientific explanation that suggests that when we are in love, the parts of our brain which produce negative feelings or judgment towards our partners are deactivated or suppressed. This explains how we can give the perfect relationship advice to those around us and are quick to point out red flags and even suggest that they should end things but can’t prescribe the same for our own situations.

Several hormones such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and norepinephrine are released when we are attracted to someone, touch with our partners, are intimate or spend time with someone we love. These hormones are responsible for making us feel pleasure, get butterflies in our stomachs, feel happy and give us an adrenaline rush. When we are with the people that we are attracted to, we feel good and naturally want to repeat the process so that we continually experience the dopamine effect.

Occasionally we meet someone who loves us beyond our expectation and imagination causing us to re – think our values and the standards we have set for ourselves or those set by society. A lot of people set relationship standards such as intimacy, trust, communication, and compatibility. Chief among these is being in an exclusive relationship. However, at times one finds themselves being attracted to someone who is already attached elsewhere, and against all logic and morality, they hold on. Nevertheless, when one decides to take this route, they are bound to be constantly in a dilemma about what they want, their values, what makes them happy, and what is morally correct.

On the other hand, this might come at a physical, and emotional cost to the parties involved as they now must adjust to the new normal. Having been brought up in a society that encourages monogamy, those in polygamous relationships are constantly faced with logic, heart and moral wars. Those in inclusive relationships find themselves having to settle for being someone’s second choice rather than being a priority which can bruise one’s self-esteem. Feelings of insufficiency, jelousy and competition creep in as well. In some cases, one has to settle to being someone’s secret and choose to stay in the relationship because they are getting mental, physical, or emotional satisfaction.

But why do people choose to settle?

Is it because we are scared to be on our own? I firmly believe that we were never meant to do life on our own. Consequently, people end up getting into toxic relationships or situationships because they are scared to be on their own and because they want to satisfy the need to be loved and belong. However, at the end of the day, one should be able to ask themselves if they are willing to sacrifice their peace, and sanity for companionship.

Is it because we are scared to start again? After being hurt or going through a nasty break up some people make it their life’s mission to make the next relationship work against all odds. At times, people allude that they are too old or tired to try again or that they would rather direct all their efforts to make their present relationship work (though it might not be fulfilling or satisfying and keeps them up at night) than ending things and starting afresh. Some say, “Well, l am too old to be doing the whole getting to know someone thing so l would rather stick to what l know.” Some stay in marriages because of religious reasons, kids or family, fear of being cast out by the community and it just seems better to carry on suffocating and please people than start afresh. It could also be that a lot of people fear the unknown and would rather stay with the devil they know. The fact is that relationships and marriage are not as easy as we might think, there are a lot of factors to be considered before one decides to stay or walk away and start afresh.

Is it because certain beliefs have been shoved down our throats by society yet in essence or in the long run, we figure out that it is not really what we believe in? Or is it because sometimes we realise that someone meets a certain need we have, and we end up willing to compromise everything else or settle just to be with them.

Is it because some relationships seem to make us act out of character and it scares the life out of us? It is possible to meet someone who will make you doubt everything that you have ever believed in. Someone who will make you view the world in a whole new light and with endless possibilities. The challenge comes when we lose ourselves in the process, for example when one stops believing in God or they cannot pray because they feel guilty about the relationship they are in.

My friends and l always joke about how people will tell you to stop seeing someone because they do not seem right for you, but deep down you want to scream, “Y’all don’t know what person does to me, for me and how they make me feel!” It is possible that one day you will meet someone who challenges everything that you have ever believed in and you fall in love with them. It might not be logical yet giving you inexpressible fulfillment or what might seem logical or fit the status quo might not be ideal for you. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to love. The most important thing is to choose you, choose what makes you happy, what gives you peace and a clear conscience. Sometimes you use logic to decide whether to leave or stay and soldier on, sometimes you follow your heart and find your happy ever after!

We were never meant to do life alone

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away, (Maya Angelou). While there is no Universal yardstick for these moments, when our breath is taken away we know it. Examples are the birth of a child, a surprise from a loved one, getting the house or car of our dreams, a promotion or a big break in business. Conversely, it is not bizarre to encounter moments that leave us distraught. Regardless of the situation, one thing is certain, WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO DO LIFE ALONE.

Usually, after an astounding victory or a devastating loss, our first instinct is to pick up the phone, call or text a friend, family or partner and share the news with them. Knowing that there is someone out there to celebrate with us or help us up in every situation is priceless. We need someone to do life with, someone to celebrate our victories with, send us a get well soon note and some flowers when we are not well, listen, comfort us, encourage us, sit with us, dance with us or wrap their arms around us through the night or a call from a familiar voice assuring us that everything will be just fine.

Little things that make a difference, a get well soon card and some flowers

As a firstborn in a family of girls, l have been conditioned to take on life head-on. For years, I found it normal to be alone in the deep end, lifting heavy weights on my own and fighting all my battles alone. Yes, l would share my victories with those around me but l rarely shared my losses. People often said, “You are so strong” and I thought l was winning, until one day when l found myself sitting in my car sobbing uncontrollably. If anyone had asked me why l had tears trickling down my chicks l wouldn’t have been able to respond because it was a build-up from the little things l swept under the carpet. It is then that l realized that for years, l had been strong for everyone else and l forgot to take care of me, l forgot that l had a support system, l didn’t know that it was ok to be weak and let someone else be strong for me. I was so broken but everyone around me thought l had it all together. That’s when l decided to be vulnerable with those l trust, to let myself be weak, cry, go through the emotions, take care of my mental health and let myself heal. I was amazed by how many people were there to listen, sit with me, hold my hand and help me navigate through the storm. It is not about crowds, as you can feel alone in a room full of people, rather it is about having people with genuine concern whose only intention is to help.

I am not saying that be that person who is always oozing negative energy. Always wallowing in your sorrows, making life miserable for everyone else around you. However, be real with yourself! Know when you are winning and when you are losing and need someone else to be there for you, to help you through the valley.

It is ok to ask for help! At times we end bitter when the people we wanted to come through for us don’t. But it is possible that they did not know how to help or that they were unaware we needed assistance. As hard as it may be at times, it is ok to ask for help. Open about what you are going through and let them know how you would like them to help. We all go through tough times and when we go through these seasons it makes the load lighter when we know that we are not alone. At times all one needs is someone to just sit next to them and not say a word, at times one needs someone to take them for a drive, pray with them or call.

Expectation is the mother of all frustration! Naturally, we expect our loved ones and friends not only to celebrate with us but to also come through for us in our time of need, even as we would do the same for them.  What l have learned is, in tough times, some people might not be able to come through for us, for one reason or another. Therefore, it is important that our focus is not on those that do not show up but on those reaching out to us. It is funny that at times the people that come through for us are the ones that we least expect to do that for us. On the other hand, be that person who is there through thick and thin for your loved ones because most people will give you the same energy that you give to them. As much as we get busy with work and life, do not forget to check on your loved ones and be pillars of strength when they need it.

One of the reasons why at times people chose to do life alone or bear that heavy burden on their own is because, at times when one asks for help, people take what someone is going through for granted while insinuating that one is exagerating the situation or being a “cry baby” and they brushe it aside. At times after pouring out to someone you trust, you then hear someone going around telling your business, as soon as they leave your presence, they act like a news reporter, going Extra! Extra! Read all about it! This causes people to build walls around themselves and prefer doing life on their own. However, it is not everyone who has sinister motives, as few as they are, the good ones still exist.

In conclusion, have people to do life with. People to share your big wins and troubles with. We are social beings, therefore it is important to have someone sit with you, hug you, assure you that better days are coming, someone to help you carry the load or someone to hold your hand through the tough times and cheer you on when you are winning. Don’t bottle things inside, rather ask for help from those you trust. Moments that take our breaths away mean more when we share them with others. Do not do life alone! We were never meant to do life alone.

At the end of it all we should be able to say, WE DID EVERYTHING WE COULD!

Those who know me know that l love watching Grey’s Anatomy, there are seasons that l have even watched more than once. As we start a new year, please allow me to share something that really ministered to me as l was watching. Don’t worry, l am not about to go all medical on you. One of the most popular statements in the series is, “We did everything we could.” This is what the doctors say to a patient’s family before they deliver the devastating news of the passing on of the patient.

One of the scenes that captured my attention was when one of the attendings, Miranda bailey was talking to an intern and was asking the intern to do all tests and procedures that they thought might be able to save a patient on a death bed. Then Miranda asked, “George do you know why we are doing all this?” The intern replied, so that if the patient doesn’t make it when we go to their family, we can tell them that we did everything we could. This statement got me thinking about my own life and if at the end of each day, week, month, year, season, lifetime l can say l did all l could?

It’s a good day to save lives!!  – Is another popular utterance from the show. This is a perfect affirmation as we start a new year! It’s a good year to accomplish our goals, to be healthy, to work on our relationships, the list goes on and on. When you start each day, what do you see and what are you saying about the day, week, month and year?

I know you might be thinking, it is not every day that you feel inspired to make a difference or take a bold step in your life. I agree. However, l think regardless of how hopeless a situation might seem, positive affirmation at the beginning of every day, week, month and year is important. After affirming ourselves we should then take the important steps that cement our affirmations.

Take that difficult situation you have as a patient laying on the table, the life or death of it all depends on you. The first thing that doctors do before trying to save a patient is checking the pulse. If there is a pulse, they will go on to try and resuscitate the patient but if there is no pulse, they will call the time of death. This is also very important in our lives, before we try fight for that job, relationship or goal, we need to check if there is a pulse. Is there any sign of life in the thing you want to try and save? If not, don’t force it, call the time of death and move on. Start afresh and shift your focus on that which has a pulse in your life. Unfortunately, at times we are in denial that something we really want is gone and we find it hard to let go. Mourning when we lose something or someone we love is crucial, but we cannot mourn forever. Yes, give yourself time to grieve, then pick yourself up and refocus your energy.

When a patient’s heart stops, doctors will do all they can to save a patient. If there is an area in your life that feels like it is dying, all hope might not be lost. This is the time to do all you can! What we know as CPR is one of the procedures that doctors will perform in order to ensure that they have done all they can to save a patient. 

Cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) consists of the use of chest compressions and artificial ventilation to maintain circulatory flow and oxygenation during cardiac arrest, early appropriate resuscitation—including early defibrillation when needed—and appropriate implementation of post–cardiac arrest care lead to improved survival and neurologic outcomes. https://emedicine.medscape.com/

From the medical reference above, one of the key things is to start CPR early, this means early diagnosis is important. In the same way, in our lives, it is vital for us to detect when there is a problem that needs our attention, the earlier we identify a problem area the better chances of success. It is almost natural for us to ignore all warning signs. Ignoring a problem will not make it disappear, it is like ignoring a ticking time bomb that will explode eventually. Go for counseling, therapy, talk to a friend or if it’s your health, see your doctor and get checked.

I am sure we are all familiar with the process above. Defibrillation, which is when doctors shock the heart so that it resets. Likewise, there are areas in our lives that need a violent restart to keep them alive. At times we must make radical changes such as changing our career path, walking away from a toxic relationship, relocating, changing our diet or exercising as part of doing all that we could.

As we start this new year, l want to encourage you to check the pulse in every area of your life and decide whether it is worth saving. Once you decide to work on it, you have to put your all and not do it half-heartedly. Instead of saying, l could have done more, l could have poured out my heart, l could have spent more time with them, l could have started eating healthier, l could have put more effort, l could have been more innovative, etc. Be determined to do all you can before it’s too late.  You do not want to look at your life at the end of the day, week, month or even at the end of 2022 and be angry with yourself because you did not do all that you could.

Remember it is a good year to save every area of your life and at the end of 2022 you should be able to say I DID EVERYTHING I COULD and smile to see what you have accomplished. Happy New Year and May 2022 be your best year yet!!

Dare to dream again!

Growing up, the famous question, “What do you want to be when you grow up ?” popped up every now and then. Without hesitation, we would boldly declare how great we would become, accomplishing mighty exploits, always winning and conquering the world. However, when we grow up at times things do not seem rosy and it does not feel like we are winning at all. It takes intentionality to keep the dream alive.

When l was young I would say, “When l grow up l want to be an air hostess, traveling all over the world.” My other dream was to have a pet dolphin. Even today, l still dream of having my own dolphin.

Photo by Coral Grandbois on Pexels.com

I love the dolphin because it is intelligent and playful. However, for me to have my very own flipper l would have to own a beach house. Seems so far-fetched right? Nevertheless, when l am thinking about my future l actually believe that one day have my own holiday house on a seashore and finally have my own pet dolphin.l am sure you also have your own dreams, dreams to establish the biggest business in your industry, to excel in your career, travel the world, build a mansion or buy that Bentley. It is dreams like these that put smiles on our faces when our worlds seem to be crumbling around us.

Someone once said, if your dreams don’t scare you then you haven’t started dreaming. With that in mind, I pose a question to you, are you still dreaming big?

Some might say that as kids we were naive and ignorant of the curveballs that life throws every now and then. For most, the perception when we were kids was that the world is perfect which meant that our lives have to be perfect. The goal was to get perfect grades, go to the perfect university then have a perfect career, buy the perfect car and house. To top it up, a perfect marriage with perfect kids. When we do not get our perfect and happy lives it feels like we have failed.

When we grew up life happened and we were awakened from our perfect little world, our little bubble was burst. The storms hit when we least expected them which means were most likely not prepared to face them and the aftermath was devastating. The storm might have been the death of a parent, a failed business or marriage, sickness, accidents, the loss of a job.. the list is endless. Pain can make us numb or bitter. Failure and disappointment might leave us scarred and hopeless. Fear and trauma can cripple us to the point that we cannot make any bold moves or at any movement at all.

At times we settle for second best because we think that’s all we will ever have. We end up living in the “half a loaf is better than nothing” world always. We accept way less than we know we deserve because we are too scared to try again or we think that little is all we will ever have and we are scared that if we reach out for more we will lose everything including the little we are holding on to. I challenge you not to be satisfied with or settle for second best. Don’t get me wrong, l am not saying that you should not take small strides but rather be thankful for every step and what you have achieved so far but keep reaching for your goals.

As we come to the end of the year, I want to dare you to start dreaming again. Remember the drive you once had as a child before adulting happened. Instead of throwing a pity party for yourself and constantly reminiscing over how hard life has hit you and how unfortunate you have been, start afresh and remember the zeal you used to have about life and how much you believed in yourself. Always remember to write that vision down (where you can see it every day). Sometimes you need to go back to the drawing board and restrategize. Even when it seems impossible, take a leap of faith and do something about your dreams.

As long as you are alive, so is your dream. Child-like faith is a must always for you to keep the dream alive. See beyond your current situation and focus on the dream. It’s time to dream again.

Celebration, relaxation & and excellent service!

As compensation for not being able to celebrate my 30th birthday last year because of COVID 19 restrictions, this year l set my mind on celebrating my birthday in style. Most birthday celebrations are marked with parties, crowds, music and the like. However, l wanted something unique for my 31st, something intimate, relaxed celebration and a spa party tickled my fancy.

My spa party had to be perfect and therefore l went on a social media hunt to search for the perfect spa to host my birthday. After a few enquiries, Lotus Wellness Spa won my heart.

Even before committing to Lotus wellness l knew in my heart without doubt that it was a place that l wanted to visit. While doing enquiries, l felt valued as a customer and l got swift responses on their Instagram page and on their WhatsApp number. I was then invited to go to Lotus wellness for a tour, I was impressed with what l saw. Lotus wellness is Located in Belgravia, along Downie avenue which makes it easily accessible whether you are driving or using public transport. Their facilities were great but the smiles and warmth in that place got me to make up my mind.

Those who know me know that l like to plan things and make sure everything is in place. Nevertheless, it was a busy season at work and l had very little breathing space to plan a perfect birthday celebration. Marigold, from Lotus wellness kept calling and messaging me to find out what l wanted for my birthday so that like a genie they could grant my wishes. Nevertheless, l was so busy and l hardly gave her anything to work with.

me and my friends in one of the treatment rooms which is outside

Finally the day that l was waiting for came and it was a memorable one.

Upon arrival, we were directed to the reception where we had to fill in treatment forms. While waiting, we were offered something to drink on the house. One could choose from water, juice or tea. As we sat at the waiting area, the saying which says, customer is king came to life. We were treated like royalty, and although we were not spending thousands of dollars we were treated like millionaires and we felt like “mbingas”

The ambience at lotus wellness is amazing. They play soothing, relaxing music throughout in every room including the waiting area. As l started listening to this music my mind and body slowly went into relaxing mode.

One of my favorite sites is the pool area. The views from the pool are breathtaking, the water has a calming effect. The combination of the quiet environment, water and the surrounding vegetation is therapeutic. This is a perfect spot for meditation, relaxing and some alone time

The Estheticians who did our treatments were very professional. They asked questions about our skin and what results we expected from the treatments that we were getting. The spa has a number of state of the art well equipped rooms for treatments such as massages, waxing, scrubs, sauna and steam, manicure and pedicure. In addition to these great facilities, there are a number of outside relaxing areas where one can sit and just recoup.

I chose to get a polished to perfection full body scrub and it was an amazing experience. Before commencing the treatments, the lady who was doing my treatment took time to explain the whole process and l was allowed to ask questions. I was warned that the esthetician that would be scrubbing some sensitive areas and it was my choice to let her scrub. The lady who did my treatment was really good and made sure that l was comfortable . I chose the full body scrub because not only does it get rid of dead skin, it improves blood circulation. After my treatment my skin was smoother and the tenseness l was feeling in my body was gone.

One of the things that really impressed me was how Marigold from lotus wellness ran around and went out of her way to make sure we were well catered for. We had a photo shoot first and again Marigold ran around to make sure that we captured every moment. This lady is amazing and l am truly grateful for all the effort that she put into making my birthday memorable.
To top up the great service, a table was set for us (on the house) for lunch . We got food delivered again these ladies made sure our food was warm and served for us. Our snacks were also served in platters prepared by these amazing hosts.

Lotus wellness’ motto is harmony between body and mind. And l must say, by the time l left that place, there was indeed harmony between my body and mind. I highly recommend Lotus wellness for all your spa treatments.

Mufudzi Wemombe (The Herd Boy)

Mufudzi Wemombe “The herd boy theme song” by Trevor Dongo ft Feli Nandi & produced by MacDee.

Kubuda kwezuva, mhodzi yawira paruware (When the sun comes out, the seed falls onto the rock)

Mahwekwe ne jecha, apo mvura yosasa – (It integrates with the soil; the rain is drizzling)

The two lines above are the first part of Trevor Dongo’s hit Mufudzi Wemombe.  They paint the picture of a new day bringing hope. As each day begins, there is a seed being planted with possibility of prosperity.

When l first listened to the song, l played it several times while digesting the rich lyrical content and enjoying the mellifluous vocals as Trevor blends perfectly with Feli Nandi, the well-arranged instruments were the icing on the cake. The song is mostly in Shona with a few English lines.

The song was written by Trevor Dongo and recorded within an hour, after reading the whole the book in 3 hours. It was inspired by a book written by his friend Barnabas called “The herd boy” which is based on a true story . This song reminds me of one Trevor’s first songs, Ndozviita sei because both songs talk about struggles that children go through. Unlike Ndozviita sei, which ends on a sad note, Mufudzi wemombe inspires one to believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Most people can relate to both songs as they are birthed from real life experiences.

Unlike most songs in our generation which talk about sex, money and partying, this song an inspirational song about fighting to get what we desire out of life. While some people might not relate to the struggle of being a herd buy, most have had their own share of childhood challenges and this song is a reminder that despite the hardships that one faces there is room to excel.

Several things stick out for me when l listen to this song

1. Mufudzi wemombe, uchamutora mukombe (The herd boy will take the trophy) – Not only is this the introduction of this song, it is a chant that is repeated multiple times throughout the song. This is an excellent introduction as it gives the listener an idea of what the song is about.
2. Mufudzi wemombe – The title of the song, Mufudzi wemombe (herd boy) reminds me of how in society we define one another based on our present conditions such as herd boy, the struggling one, single mother and drunkard. Often, we limit ourselves according to the titles given to us and do not see ourselves beyond what we have been named. It might be the position one is in at the time, but it should not determine their future. Despite what the society has called you, remember you too can take the trophy one day.

I love that the song does not end on sad note rather it ends with a message that leaves the listener with courage to fight and keep the eye on the ball. The writer reminds the listener that victory is not handed to one on a silver platter. Therefore, instead of focusing on the hurdles one has, they should press towards the goal.

• Kukura usina anokuda (Growing up without anyone loving you) – According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, love is one of our greatest needs, therefore when one does not get love when they are young, it is said to leave a deep wound that might affect them for the rest of their life. The song highlights how the herd boy was neglected by his family and there was no one giving him the love he needed. Most times family is our pillar of strength and most people give up on life when they are rejected by family. Nevertheless, the herd boy did not allow this to be an obstacle. This for me was an encouragement and reminder to keep going even if those closest to me to do not give me love and support.
• Bakatwa rebudiriro riri mumoyo (The sword to success is in the heart) This phrase reminds us that the key to success is in hidden in the heart. It does not matter what it looks like on the outside, guard that dream that is in the heart, there is no need to publish it and keep going until you get the trophy

Mufudzi wemombe is a must listen for both the young and old. This is a song that one can listen to for inspiration when they are in their low and are about to throw in the towel, when driving to work, when one is in a rocky place or when one just needs motivation. Make a decision today to go against the tide of people’s expectations, use the bricks that they have thrown at you to build an empire that will take the trophy.

Listen and be inspired